Coming full circle

Soul-Searching 

Coming to Cal was an experience like no other. First generation college student, parents without a high school degree and no understanding of how to navigate the education system. The journey of these last four years is close to an end. In less than 4 days I'll be walking the stage, receiving my B.S. in Business Administration and minor in Disability Studies. However, my experience cannot be defined by these two titles.

Each semester was a new experience. One where I learned something different and challenged myself in ways I did not believe possible. This semester, this course represented that challenge. It was a soul-searching semester where the goal was to 'find myself' and find 'answers' to the many personal and family challenges I faced while in college.

Through this course I understood not only myself a bit better, but my parents. Mascaras. I finally understood the mascara my father wears every day. I was always aware of it, never understood it, but always resented it. "No es nadie senor, solo yo." My mother. The moment I read this, I thought of my mother. I never understood why she consistently devalued herself and undermined her importance. Now that light has been shed on both issues and many others tied to the Mexican identity, I've been working towards breaking these
cycles with my family. Attempting to not only understand but break these barriers.

Art work. Never in my life did I think I'd be creating art pieces in college. Some of the most tense moments this semester were spent trying to figure out what art piece to do. However, that tension went away as soon as an idea came and paper and pencil/chalk touched. Tension rapidly turned into soothing relaxation and concentration. Playing my vihuela and singing had always been my outlet of expression. However, I'm glad to have found another art form that brings peace of mind and will continue to use.

Lastly, Chavela. As a mariachi I've played and performed many of these songs countless times. Nevertheless, my focus was always on the vihuela and never on singing the song and understanding the meaning of the song. Through this course I learned to stop. To stop and think about what each word meant. How each word changed the meaning of the song and what the song meant to me.

I could go on and on about the experiences I've had in this course. Some of frustration, but many times of enjoyment and enlightenment. I truly enjoyed singing and performing the ranchera songs in class and during the two fiestas. Tony, I hope you enjoyed the music as well. It was truly a pleasure being in this course and I thank you for having created it. This was the cherry on top to my experience at CAL, bringing these four years to a closure.

Las Mexicana

Cual Mexicana? 

The Mexicanas we were exposed to this week were great, with my favorite one being Lola Beltran. I'm not sure if it's due to her ranchera style, but I very much enjoy the emotion she transmits in the songs. However, it's to the point that she almost attempts to replicate the male style of singing with her deep voice. It's as if the only way to be taken seriously is to become a male or as close to it as possible.

Women within music have been pushed to the side, especially within earlier generations. The male singers have been the ones to represent the genera, and set the expectations for the musical style. Even within this course, the artists we learned about were primarily male artists. All throughout we discussed various artists and their influence in the musical genera. However, if you stop and think, the only female ever heavily discussed, other than during this week, is Chavela. Even then, Chavela does not represent the "traditional" female. Other than that, all female artists were lumped into one group, merged, and thus classified as "las mexicanas." No individual title, just simply a unit.

As in my drawing, las mexicanas are present, influencing the spaces they touch, changing the way things are done. However, never fully integrated. They're recognized, their presence and influence acknowledged. At the same time they're fragile, easily erased and partially removed. Only their outline, the sensation that they were once there, lingers.

Cuatro Milpas / El Desterrado

La vida es la milpa

El tema de esta semana es uno que tiene un lugar muy especial para mi. La milpa es algo muy comun en los Altos de Jalisco, de donde es mi familia. Siempre me a seguido durante mi tiempo en Mexico, y hasta en mi vida aca en el norte. Yo desde pequeña fui atraida al elote. Unos de los recuerdo mas lindos de mi niñez involucra el maiz y las masorcaz. Mi actividad favorita cuando tenia 6 anos con mi abuelita, que en paz descanse, era desgranar los elotes (quitarle los pedacitos de elote a la mazorca) y darselos de comer a las gallinas. 

El elote es central a la vida del Mexicano. Todo el alimento involucra maiz, la comida (tamales, posole, tortillas, etc.), lo que uno bebe (atole), lo que le dan de comer a los animales. Similarmente, la vida de el Mexicano que conosco revuelve alrededor de la siembra del elote. Saber el tiempo apropiado para sembrar, que no llueva muy poco o que no llueva demasiado, que si la tierra esta lista, etc. En fin, como el video que Valdemar nos compartio, para el Mexicano que siembra, su milpa es todo.